Walking to Forgive: A Lesson In Bringing Peace To Your Life
Have you ever had something really ugly happen to you and you felt someone was responsible for it? Then you never forgave the person? It’s happened to me too. My mum died in November 2000, and we (my family) think she was poisoned by a rival though we couldn’t prove it.
For years i was angry with her ‘murderer’ and my dad for not protecting her. Seven years later, I had learnt enough in my life to forgive them. How did i do it? Read the article below by Colin C. Tipping and learn from it.
***Walking To Forgive***
One of the reasons why I think people are reluctant to go through a process of forgiveness is because they just don’t want to revisit the pain. Let sleeping dogs lie! Why dig up the past? Just forget it! Who needs it, for God’s sake?
But research is showing that this strategy carries great risk. Unresolved hurts and resentments can give rise to cancer.
But, what if I told you that you could, in less than three hours, neutralize most if not all of the situations that have caused you pain in the past, or may be causing you pain now even, without having to speak a word about any of them? The pain of divorces, betrayals, abuse, abandonment, rejections, thefts, deaths — all transformed in one evening without you sharing anything with anyone. Would you be interested?
I have devised a method of doing this using the Native American Healing Circle. People come together into a circle and I then ask a question like, “If you have ever suffered a painful divorce, walk the circle.”
Those who have, walk across the circle. Upon meeting someone in the middle, they stop, look into each other’s eyes (to connect to each other’s pain), and then each say to the other, “I’m sorry that happened to you.” In that moment, they share their wounds — nonverbally — and heal each other. We go through about 15 questions like that one, which pretty much covers most of the situations people commonly experience as painful. The predominant feeling at the end is sadness. But we don’t leave them there.
<!– adman –>:
Next we look at the basic assumption underlying Radical Forgiveness — that everything happens for a reason, is divinely inspired and needed for our spiritual growth. If we could see how it all fitted into the spiritual big picture, we would see that it was all perfect and that there is nothing to forgive.
We don’t ask anyone to believe that; only that they to be willing to be open to it for an hour or so — and to simply see what happens.
So we do the circle again, adding a crucial phrase on the end of each question. I will say, “If you have ever suffered a painful divorce … and are willing to see that there might have been perfection in the situation, walk the circle.” When they meet someone coming the other way, this time they say, “John, I honor your willingness to see the perfection in the situation,” and walk on.
There’s a lot more to it that this, but this is the basic gist of it. The results are profound and long lasting. After this circle the predominant feeling is joy. The sadness is transformed, the pain released. People report feeling lighter, more peaceful and resolved. And these feelings seem to endure.
I have no doubt that the physicists could explain it how this works, but for me, seeing hundreds and hundreds of people move into a joyful space having let go of as many as ten painful stories in one evening, is enough. Many wonderful things happen in the days after this ceremony to so many people and I never cease to be amazed by it.
This ceremony is now part of the “Magic” of Radical Forgiveness Workshop. Please check our web site’s calendar for dates and places.
(c) Colin C. Tipping: http://www.radicalforgiveness.com
P.S. See that? Anything you are willing to do is good enough to help you heal and avoid disease. In addition to what the other person(s) may have done to you, don’t let them add to it by your refusal to forgive. Forgive them and live your life again!
Today I have peace. You deserve it too, and you will get it.
Success is yours.
<!– adman –>:
“What Really Makes You Tick?” 10 questions you should ask to yourself: A preparation to effective self-improvement
Be all you can be. That’s the motto of the U.S. Army. I often see myself as somewhat contented with my life the way things are, but of course it’s hard to think of anything else when there are real facing us.
Still I aspire for something deeper and more meaningful.
So we’re all pelted with problems. Honestly it shouldn’t even bother or even hinder us to becoming all we ought to be. Aspirations as kids should continue to live within us, even though it would be short-lived or as long as we could hold on to the dream. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks… or can they?
1. What do I really want?
The biggest question of all time. You want to do so many things with your life yet there’s so little time to even go about one of them during the day.
Find something that you are good at and which can help realize that small step towards improvement. Diligence is the key to know that it is worth it.
2. Should I really change?
Today’s generation has taken another level of redefining ’self’, or at least that’s what the kids are saying. Having an army of teenage nieces and nephews has taught me that there are far worse things that they could have had than acne or maybe even promiscuity. So how does that fit into your lifestyle?
If history has taught us one thing, it’s the life that we have gone through. Try to see if partying Seventies style wouldn’t appeal to the younger generation, but dancing is part of partying. Watch them applaud after showing them how to really dance than break their bones in break-dancing.
3. What’s the bright side in all of this?
So much happens around us there seems to be no room for even considering that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Yet no matter how things turn out, you can still see it as something positive, with something good to be learned from it. And if it’s a train at the end of the tunnel, take it for a ride and see what makes the world go round!
4. Am I comfortable with what I’m doing?
There’s always the easy way and the right way when it comes to deciding what goes with which shoes, or purse, shirt and whatnot. You don’t need to be a genius to see yourself as someone unique, or else we’ll all be doing exactly the same thing.
5. Have I done enough for myself?
Have you, or is there something more you want to do? Discontentment in every aspect in large doses can be dangerous. But think positive in small amounts and you’ll be able to see and do stuff you could never imagine doing.
6. Am I happy at where I am today?
It’s an unfair question so let it be an answer! You love being a good and loving mom or dad to your kids, then take it up a notch! Your kids will love you forever. The same goes with everyday life!
7. Am I appealing to the opposite sex?
So maybe I don’t have an answer to that, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try it, though. Whether you shape-up, change the way you wear your clothes or hair, or even your attitude towards people, you should always remember it will always be for your own benefit.
8. How much could I have?
I suppose in this case there is no such things on having things too much or too little, but it’s more on how badly you really need it. I’d like to have lots of money, no denying that, but the question is that how much are you willing to work for it?
9. What motivates me?
What motivates you? It’s an answer you have to find out for yourself. There are so many things that can make everyone happy, but to choose one of the may be the hardest part. It’s not like you can’t have one serving of your favorite food in a buffet and that’s it. Just try it piece by piece.
10. What Really Makes You Tick?
So, what makes really makes you tick? You can be just about anything you always wanted to be, but to realize that attaining something that may seem very difficult is already giving up before you even start that journey. Always remember, that self-improvement is not just about the physical or philosophical change you have to undergo, but it’s about going for something that you really want and in the end becoming who you really want to become.
Go for it. Success is yours.
How To Develop A Balanced Diet
In order to become all that you can be, you need to lead a balanced life. A good diet is an important part of a good, healthy lifestyle.
This is an easy habit to acquire, and you don’t need to go to extremes. Simply eliminate all junk food. Eat lots of vegetable and stop eating candy every day. You get the picture.
Just link enough pain to the process of eating things that are not good for you, and
associate pleasure whenever you eat something that keeps your health in good shape.
You know how it works by now.
When you do this, you’ll start to feel better, you’ll look better, you’ll become happier – and people will quickly notice the difference.
Optimizing your diet is a simple, but profound, thing to do. And it’s very easy once you
know what a tremendous impact it can have on your life.
And…
Visualize Perfect Health
Yes.
I’ve talked in earlier how visualizing the ideal outcome in every situation can propel you to creating amazing results. By doing so, you’ll start to attract those things into your life, and you’ll gradually turn into your vision. It’s no different when it comes to your health.
Take 5 minutes to visualize yourself as a powerful, healthy, strong individual every day.
See you body getting stronger and stronger. See yourself getting in perfect shape. See
your immune system getting more powerful. Visualize yourself getting younger and
younger. (Yes, that’s physiologically possible.)
Do a few affirmations every morning, if that works for you. Just make sure that you take at least 5 minutes every day to visualize your ideal life. How would you look? What would you do? How would you feel?
Give it a go for 21 days, and surely you’ll notice how great you now feel.
success is yours.
How To Make Friends Easily In 5 Easy Steps
Are you lonely? Looking for friends but no one wants to be with you? Maybe you’ve even read “How To Win Friends And Influence People”, yet no one seems to like you. It doesn’t have to be so. There’s a lot you can do to correct that. Here’s how:
With every goal you have in life, people will always be a critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on how well you deal with people and the level of influence you have on them. In order to really influence people you must become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? How do you get people to become your friends?
First things first,1. Becoming Likable:
Your primary goal in making people your friends is to first become the kind of person they’ll like.
How can you do that?
Consciously be the first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most people are hesitant to be the first to strike up a conversation. Guess what? The other person is too!
If you wait for the other person to chat you up, chances are they never will and you will lose that opportunity.
Don’t be like most people step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do, but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone. Now I can walk up to almost anyone.
You’ve got to practice as you won’t be perfect overnight. It may be a little awkward for you at first, but don’t let this discourage you. It won’t take you five years either. Don’t waste anytime, start today and each day after that will get easier
2. Have an open mind
Don’t be too picky while trying to make new friends. This is the problem with many people who are lonely without friends. They have such high standards that it is impossible for them to find someone that will fit their picture of a friend.
What you’ve got to do is immerse your self in as many different cultures/interests as possible. I never limit my self to one particular set of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have friends who are Asians, Europeans, skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians, writers, marketers etc.
By having many friends with diverse interests you will quickly learn about their worlds and can easily relate with them at their own level. This will get the other person to think very highly of you. For example by being observant you will catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.) which will help you to imagine placing your self in their shoes.
3. Body Language:
When you approach someone for the very first time in order to become friends with them, if they are highly receptive people (most people are) your body language will do most of the talking and the other person will immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement. If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will come out as someone who’s fake.
For example, if you approach someone with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open arms and a gentle smile. Smiling is infectious. If the other person has a stern look on their face the moment you approach them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will place a lot more importance to what you have to say.4. Questions and Listening
Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy. Be open minded and really listen to the person.
5. Listening:
Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk. Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely different things and the person can tell if you’re really listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. The long-dead queen of England, Queen Victoria once had two separate lunches with two of her country’s most famous politicians, William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli. When she was asked her opinion of the two men, she replied, “When I was with Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest person on earth. But when I was with Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest person on earth.”
Who do you think listened to her better? Disraeli of course! In case you want to know he became Prime Minister of England twice during Queen Victoria’s reign and they were friends till she died.
Being a good listener is a skill you must learn to make lasting friends. Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person will love you for it.
If you’re an effective listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person is talking so much that when you try and say something they still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to say. In this situation still try and get the other person involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.
What to avoid when listening
Don’t
InterruptBecause you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of conversation to you.
Don’t Finish Other Peoples SentencesDon’t Offer Advice too Soon
6. Use Compliments and Appreciation
The way to make people feel important is through sincere compliments and appreciation. You mustn’t know someone personally to offer them a sincere compliment. Most people go out their way to do something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about people. It’s the little things that matter and which end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for doing it, it’s a win-win situation.
7. Join clubs and associations
One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in an event or trip your relationship with those people will become even greater. When I was in college I joined the Rotaract club, the youth arm of Rotary International and made loads of friends there.
I hope all these pointers will help you make many friends, become more influential and achieve your goals faster.
Take care. Success is yours!
P.S. This article was culled from an initial article by Ivan Campuzano of www.howtogetyourshineon.com. I encourage you to visit Ivan’s site. It’s great.
Eliminate Stress Forever, And Eliminate Disease
There is growing evidence that suggest that most diseases are, in fact, caused by stress on a deep, fundamental level. This is not yet widely accepted by the scientific community, but the amount of evidence pointing to that conclusion is growing every day.
So, how do you deal with this?
First, realize that there are different kinds of stress. There’s the positive kind, like the feeling of getting up to hold a speech in front of hundreds of people. That’s nothing to worry about.
Then, there’s negative stress. Negative stress is not the same thing as having a lot of things to do. It is the mental and physical feeling of being completely unable to cope with everything that’s happening.
It’s the feeling of being buried underneath thousands of things that you have no way of managing. It’s the extremely uncomfortable irrational feeling that time is running out and your entire world will collapse on you if you are not able to get every single thing under control, right now.
So, what can you do?
First of all, take a chill pill. Relax, and simply let it all go. Realize that it’s not a catastrophe if you don’t get everything done right now. The world will not end.
Second, prioritize, and ignore the things that are not truly important. Don’t concern yourself with stuff that doesn’t really matter.
If you want to be free and happy, you need to value your time. You need to value yourself, so you’re free to enjoy life – rather than being buried under a million things to do.
If you want your body and immune system to function at optimal efficiency, you should make it a priority to completely eliminate negative stress from your life.
Start by identifying the things in life that cause you stress. Once you’ve identified these stress factors and understand how they affect your life, you can easily figure out how to change your environment and manage them.
Do it now, starting today, and notice the positive effect it has on your health.
